sad stick war

Archived blurb

I changed my blurb on both LJ and DW (and will probably replace my entire profile on both sites with something similar at some point), so here is the old blurb for posterity (mainly for my own reference if I decide I want to change it back to this):

If I had to pick six words to describe myself, I would panic and ask someone for help because I am so downright random and weird that there is no possible way to describe myself or my journal in only six words.

So here's a list of things you'll probably see in this journal, in no particular order:
- Posts about my life
- Posts about my worrying about being disliked for any number of reasons
- Posts about the fact that I'm trying to fix all the things that are messed up in my LJ and DW and catch up on lots of websites that I'm behind on reading
- Backups of my posts on Miiverse now that Miiverse is discontinued... so if you want to know what some random guy was saying about New Super Mario Bros. U or Nintendo Land five years ago, this is the journal for you :P
- Quizzes and surveys and such
- References to random things I'm obsessed with
- Whatever else I feel like posting

Some of the random things I'm obsessed with are:
- LiveJournal (obviously)
- Looking back at things that were made years ago... old posts on LJ, etc.
- Math
- Weird dreams
- Video games (mostly Mario, Super Smash Bros., Kid Icarus, and Chip's Challenge)
- Video game music
- Homestar Runner
- Enya, my favorite singer and biggest celebrity crush
- Too many comics/webcomics to name... Garfield, mezzacotta, Terror Island, and Circle Versus Square might be the ones I'm the MOST obsessed with though. Oh, and Super Mario Maker Crash Course - that counts as a comic, right? It certainly counts as something I'm obsessed with :P
- Speaking of Super Mario Maker Crash Course, my biggest *fictional* crush is Mary O. Yes, I have a crush on the guide to a video game MANUAL. I'm so weird...

For a (hopefully) complete list of interests and Q&A about me, visit my profile. :) (Which is still in need of an update...)

This journal is semi-friends-only, but there's not much rhyme or reason to which entries are public and which ones aren't...
conga of the apocalypse

Day 11

Dear every company that has been forced to make ANY sort of change AT ALL because of the coronavirus:

Once the coronavirus pandemic ends*, PLEASE, PLEASE, DO WHATEVER YOU CAN TO RETURN EXACTLY TO THE WAY YOU WERE BEFORE. When it's no longer necessary to hold events without audiences or host shows from your own home or do anything that you weren't having to do before the pandemic, PLEASE GO BACK TO THE WAY YOU WERE. MY SANITY DEPENDS ON IT. IF I'M GOING TO BE CONSTANTLY REMINDED THAT THE WORLD ENDED IN MARCH 2020, IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

*Because I know some of you are probably going to misinterpret this as saying I want everything un-cancelled now and hate** me for it: I'M TALKING ABOUT AFTER THE PANDEMIC IS OVER.

**I know assuming that people will HATE me for things is a bad habit I need to get out of, but I'm too stressed out to be concerned about THAT bad habit at the moment.

Day 10

62,240,060 seconds until I get to be happy again.
62,240,055 seconds until I get to be happy again.
62,240,050 seconds until I get to be happy again.
62,240,045 seconds until I get to be happy again.
62,240,040 seconds until I get to be happy again.
62,240,035 seconds until I get to be happy again.
62,240,030 seconds until I get to be happy again.
62,240,025 seconds until I get to be happy again.
62,240,020 seconds until I get to be happy again.
62,240,015 seconds until I get to be happy again.
62,240,010 seconds until I get to be happy again.
62,240,005 seconds until I get to be happy again.
62,240,000 seconds until I get to be happy again.
62,239,995 seconds until I get to be happy again.
62,239,990 seconds until I get to be happy again.
62,239,985 seconds until I get to be happy again.
62,239,980 seconds until I get to be happy again.
62,239,975 seconds until I get to be happy again.

Some things I want to clarify

- Take certain things I said in recent entries or comments with a grain of salt. I am aware of the following things, even though it may seem otherwise because of how much stress I am under and how bad I am at wording things:
1) People are dying or might get sick because of the coronavirus and their safety is important right now.
2) The coronavirus situation is starting to improve a little in China.
3) The social distancing thing has been proven in some countries to be helpful in lessening the spread of the coronavirus - we're no longer just hoping it will help. The only reason I haven't heard about it getting any better in the US is because the US only recently started doing it. Yeah, it doesn't help that at one point this felt more like a "let's do this and hope it works but there's a good chance we're doomed anyway" sort of thing, and I still have leftover anxiety from that era. But I try to keep it under control.

Yes, I know that the fact that so many things I enjoy are being cancelled or delayed or may be cancelled is not as bad as if I couldn't find something I needed at the grocery store or if there was any chance of a loved one dying. But it still sucks. And I'd like it if it were socially acceptable to SAY that it still sucks.

I want this to be over soon for EVERYONE'S sake - for those who are afraid they may lose loved ones, for those who can't find what they need in stores because of all the shortages... AND for people with what you might call "first world problems". And everyone in between.

- As you probably know, I am autistic, and possibly obsessive-compulsive, and I have historically not coped well with sudden changes and uncertainty. When I'm faced with scenarios when anything changes or I don't know what will happen next, I tend to have meltdowns, and have more trouble wording things well than normal, and tend to overreact and catastrophize.
I've improved in this area over the years, once I started learning more and more ways to cope, but I still have meltdowns sometimes. And now I feel that most of my coping mechanisms are being taken away all at once, and the ones I have left don't work as well because they now remind me of the bad stuff that's happening.
Yes, it is true that the things that *I* have been stressed about, such as events and businesses closing down, are still far from being as bad from what others have been dealing with. But that does not change the fact that it's been very tough on me because it's the most stress I've faced all at once in a long time.
It's hard for me to reassure myself that I've survived something this stressful in the past when I don't actually remember if I've ever felt THIS stressed out before, or how I handled it if I did. In every other situation when I remember being under a lot of stress and feeling like the world's coming to an end, there was always SOMETHING I could do to cope.

- I'm trying as hard as I can to avoid being irrational and overreacting to everything, but that has been very difficult. Especially because a part of me feels like I need to overreact to things as a way to vent my feelings; to me, venting in this manner IS a coping mechanism for some reason, and one of the only few I have left.
I wish I didn't feel like I have to act like "THE WORLD IS ENDING, THINGS ARE NEVER GOING TO GET BETTER!" all the time, with no concern as to how insensitive it may sound, just to let enough steam out of my system to be calm enough for the rational part of my brain to get to say what it wants (e.g. "I know the world is going to get better eventually and social distancing is in fact going to help and will not last forever"). But, again, I'm running out of other coping mechanisms.

- Yes, it stresses me out that social distancing is now mandatory and things are getting cancelled. That doesn't mean I don't think social distancing will help (rationally, I know it will; when I say otherwise, that is just leftover anxiety from the couple of days when many people genuinely weren't sure). That doesn't mean I prioritize uncancelling everything over people's safety or over people being able to buy what they need. I just wish I knew if and when this would be over because the sooner we get to where we don't have to be stressed out constantly for multiple reasons at once, the better. For that reason, I don't think we should blame people for not wanting things to be cancelled.

- Rule of thumb: if you see me pointing to a news item or a tweet or something that might not be true and being like "This is definitely happening and this is bad!!", at least 80% of the time (95% if it's about the coronavirus), what happened was that the rational part of me WANTED to say "hey, I saw this news article, I know it could be false but I'm worried about what it'd imply if it were true, I want to know if it's true or false" but my anxiety wouldn't let me calm down long enough to phrase it that way. This is a subconscious habit that I've had since years before the coronavirus.

- When I say that I'm tired of hearing things like "coronavirus" or "social distancing" or "wash your hands" or anything of that manner and that these words and phrases are triggers for me, that does not mean that I think it is unimportant to talk about such things or take preventative actions. It does not mean I don't wash my hands. It does not mean that I want to censor anyone. It does not mean that I'm not glad that others are able to mention the coronavirus without getting depressed.
It just means that I would feel better if I didn't see these words and phrases all the time, or at least didn't see them so much in places where I go to escape the news. And I'm sure I'm not the only one. That is why people to say to limit our exposure to the news (and why, in order to make this possible, I'm compiling a list of links to anything and everything I can think of on the Internet that does not reference the coronavirus).
Yes, I do talk a lot in here about what will make me, specifically, feel better or worse. That's because I know that if I felt better, I would be more able to stay calm in a crisis such as the one we're in right now. That would in turn make me a bit better at putting things into words without overreacting, which would make it easier for me to express my thoughts and feelings without being insensitive or offending anyone, which would make it easier to help calm others down. So, if I felt better, it'd become easier for me to help others feel better.

Does this entry make sense? I hope I'm not a bad person for what I said in this or any other entry or comment. :(

If you need someone to talk to, I'm here. It helps me feel better to have someone to talk to (as difficult as it sometimes is for me to express it), and it helps me feel better when I can comfort others. :)

I hope everything goes well for all of you. :)

EDIT: I'm gonna add one more:
Yes, I often say that the few indicators we have that things are getting better (the death rates decreasing in certain areas, etc.) don't count as proof that things are getting better, and that the only way I can be happy again is when it's finally safe to loosen the social distancing restrictions or things that have been cancelled or postponed (even ones that I don't normally care about anyway, like sports) finally end up happening.
That is because the news has been VERY contradictory about the coronavirus itself and whether it's getting better or worse. Is the death rate increasing? Is it decreasing? Is the recovery rate increasing or decreasing? Are these things getting better in one country but not another? Am I going to have to hear the term "social distancing" constantly for two months? Six months? A year? No two news articles can make up their minds in this regard. Also, I didn't follow the news about any other pandemic closely enough to have any reference point to compare this one to.
By contrast, things like sports, E3, movie/TV/video game releases, etc. either HAVE or HAVE NOT been postponed at any given moment - there's uncertainty about what'll happen to them in the future, sure, but at least we know what status they're in now. With the possible exception of April Fools' Day, you're most likely not going to see a trustworthy non-satire news site claim that the NBA or NFL or something has already resumed until it has indeed resumed.
So, THAT is why I am fixating on "are they saying yet that it's safe to uncancel these things?" as a measure of the state of the world. I'm autistic - I NEED for there to be certainty, and this is the most certainty I can get.
vs. giant enya fan

Dos and don'ts of helping me feel better


Making a YouTube video with relaxing music.


Commenting directly on a video with relaxing music saying that it helped you take your mind off of the coronavirus. That is still enough to remind me of the coronavirus, and will therefore cancel out any benefit I may have gained from the relaxing music.

EDIT: I hope I didn't sound like I meant that I didn't enjoy the video linked above. I did enjoy it. What I didn't enjoy was a couple of the comments. I'm just so on edge right now that even a mention of a certain topic, even in the context of "this made me feel better about it", can be enough to make me feel worse about it.

Kicked while I'm down for the millionth time

"From Sakurai's latest Famitsu column (, he states the presentation of the next Smash Bros. DLC fighter has been delayed due to the coronavirus."

Great. That means the last six DLC fighters will NEVER be released, because as we all know, "delayed" means that it'll just keep getting delayed over and over again until the apocalypse is over which it never will be no matter what we do. The world is going to end no matter what we do and nothing we can enjoy will ever be released. :'(

The ONLY remaining places we can go to take our minds off the news

Okay. So. Every sporting event in the entire world is cancelled. Every restaurant is closed. Every grocery store is closed. No movies or video games will ever be released again. E3 is cancelled. TV shows are being cancelled. obligatory in-joke incoming: Authors are being cancelled. Every xkcd comic from now on until the end of time will be about the coronavirus, and all other webcomics that still update are probably following suit. You can't go to ANY news site without hearing about the coronavirus.

We're all running out of ways to cope with the constant unrest in the world. And now we can't even go to NON-news sites without hearing about the coronavirus. If the Homestar Runner Wiki - HOMESTAR. RUNNER. WIKI. OF ALL PLACES. - is now insisting that we all shouldn't get to be happy right now and STILL need to be repeatedly kicked while we're down is any indication, we're about to COMPLETELY run out of ways to cope.

People say that the best way to deal with anxiety is to stay away from news sites for a while so we don't keep hearing about it constantly. THEY SAY THAT LIKE IT'S EASY. THEY SAY THAT LIKE IT'S *POSSIBLE*.

Well, seeing as it's not actually possible to browse the Internet without constantly being reminded that the world is ending, it is now my duty to do what I can to MAKE that possible!

I'm going to stockpile a list of links to all websites I know of that I know for a fact (or can reasonably assume) do NOT mention or reference the coronavirus in any way whatsoever. It doesn't matter what they're about. I'm not even going to sort them by category or any other sensible order. Just as long as they DON'T mention or reference the coronavirus in any way. I will periodically update this list.

Before we begin, I ask you all to:
1) Let me know of any other websites you know of that meet the condition mentioned above. I want this to become a COMPLETE list of websites that meet that condition, not just a list of websites *I* have heard of.
2) If any of these websites DO mention the coronavirus, please let me know so I can remove them from the list.
3) Share this entry with others if you found it helpful.

Now, let's begin! (Last updated: March 24, 2020.) (The site itself ONLY. Not the Homestar Runner Wiki, or Strong Bad's Twitter.) (NOT the entire mezzacotta website - only mezzacotta the comic, Infinity on 30 Credits a Day, Awkward Fumbles, and the non-webcomic features of the site. Or, at least, I'm not caught up far enough on any of the other webcomics on this site to know whether or not they mention it.) (okay, I'll admit it: I stumbled on this site randomly a couple of years ago and visit it every now and then just because a lot of the female models are cute/hot. Hey, if it helps me keep my mind off the fact that the world is ending, does it matter how? :) ), and (However, other sites in the Sharing Machine network don't get a mention because they are still updating and therefore may have mentioned a certain topic I'm trying to avoid)

Honorable mentions: (It's possible that the latest few posts are about the coronavirus, but these posts don't mention it directly and are focused on staying positive, on a site where positivity and motivation and moving forward is the theme of the entire site. Even if the latest posts are indeed about the coronavirus, the only way one would know is by looking at the timestamps. Therefore, I would recommend this site even if it mentioned the virus directly.)