homestar essence of gullibility

April Fools?

I was hoping to do something unexpected on here for April Fools' Day this year, but there's more than enough anxious, cringeworthy entries in my journal lately as it is. No need for me to MAKE UP something to be disproportionately excited and/or anxious about like I did for the majority of my past April Fools jokes.

These days, writing a regular entry by 2009-2019 standards - like, an entry about good/ordinary things in my life or random things I found online - might just be the most unexpected thing I could possibly do on LJ or DW.

So, THAT'S my April Fools prank this year! A REGULAR entry! :) (note: I'm posting it early this year in case this ends up the last opportunity I have to post an entry prior to April 2)


This week my sister pathvain_aelien came over to visit, so I'm glad to see her again for the first time since June! Which itself was the last time since April! I've been meaning to post about both of those visits. And during the April visit in particular, I was hoping to post about how we watched some movies I've been wanting to see like Toy Story 4 and the live-action Christopher Robin movie. :)

My friend and I went to Six Flags last October, and to Las Vegas earlier this month! Both of those were fun. (or at least the closest approximation of fun that I could experience in those relative timeframes) :)

Last May, Mom bought me three new amiibo (Pichu, Dark Samus, and Simon) so that I would have "something to do besides worry" as she put it. And for my birthday I got Donkey Kong (Mario series version), Daisy (Smash Bros. version), Richter, and Incineroar, then for Christmas I got King K. Rool, Snake, Wolf, Chrom, and Hero. :D (The full list of amiibo I own is here)

Here's some random things I've been meaning to show you: - AI-generated music in the style of various artists, or even combinations of two artists' styles! Sadly there are no examples with either video game music or Enya - the two I most wanted to combine. But there's several examples with Céline Dion, and a Moya Brennan one and a Sarah McLachlan one, so I'm happy about that :) I think this is my favorite of the ones I've heard. - AI-generated images! I think the clock and sign ones are interesting especially. And the ones where Pikachu is among the options. Too bad I don't see a way to type in my own prompts - I'd like to try the Pikachu ones with the rest of the Smash Bros. characters and/or other random characters too. :) - Not AI-generated, but weird enough that at first I thought it might be. A blog where this guy draws Garfield in the shape of every Pokémon. EVERY Pokémon. (well, the first 279 so far, anyway) The results are sometimes hilarious, sometimes disturbing, sometimes a bit of both!

And I found this funny video a while back:

*April Fools! Heehee. I liked this idea too much to waste it entirely. :)

Rejection sensitive dysphoria, part 2

First off, did anyone see my previous entry? I say it's worth a read, since that entry serves as an explanation for the majority of my past entries, probably the majority of my future entries, and basically my entire personality. If you've ever wondered "why does Matt1993 _____?", that entry probably explains it.

I also came across this video today and it resonated with me very well:

I've been in the red a LOT lately last year, and sometimes even this year. A lot of my latest entries were unfortunately written while I was in the red. :(

Rejection sensitive dysphoria

Hey! Turns out there's a TERM for the EXACT type of depression and anxiety that I frequently struggle with!! How long has there been a term for it?

I recommend reading these articles to get a better idea of what I typically have meant in the past when I say that I have depression, anxiety, social anxiety, or PTSD, or am worried about being hated or disliked. In fact, it's probably what I meant in some cases when I say that my behaviors or reactions or feelings are because of my autism.


FINALLY, a comment thread that summarizes EXACTLY how I feel about everything that's been going on AND is a lot better-worded than I could ever muster! :D

I particularly like these comments:

"COVID is definitely real and while it won't hurt me too much, if restrictions are eased then hospitals will fill up like they currently are. I totally get that. This shit is real. But also - Jesus fucking Christ I hate wearing masks, I hate distancing, and I haaaaate any "this is our new normal!" toxic positivity. The main coronavirus sub is almost giddy at the idea of wearing masks for the next 12 months and I just don't get it. This life is so bland, it's just existence. There's no actual living."

"Saying 'We'll be socially distancing and wearing masks forever so deal with it.' is like saying that 'The world is better off without your toxicity, so feel free to kill yourself.'

It's disgusting."

"You can acknowledge that it’s hard, that you can’t wait for it to be over, while also understanding why it is worth doing temporarily. It sometimes seems that there is no middle ground. Either the virus is a hoax and we should take no steps to keep people safe, or people who can’t get used to masks and isolation are heartless and don’t care about protecting others. Neither is the case."

"Most people are meant to socialize. Most people need socialization. Talking down on people struggling to cope without socialization is a toxic mentality, and I really dislike that mentality and those people, not as much as deniers and anti-maskers because those are inherently more dangerous, but I dislike them nonetheless."

"YES!! I completely agree. Obviously, we need to social distance, wear masks, etc, but whenever I talk about the negative impacts of quarantine, like the mental health crisis or online school/WFH not being effective for many, I immediately get shut down with 'well we don't have a choice!' or 'do you want to kill your grandma/mom/whatever?' Personally, I don't want to live like this forever. I don't even wanna live like this next year lol. "

I think this is a comment thread that EVERYONE needs to read. If reading this was even almost as mandatory as masks or social distancing, the world would be a much better place.
afer ventus or the river sings backwards

My best[citation needed] entries from before the apocalypse

So, I know I haven't posted a lot of positive or funny or even non-depressing posts lately. And I know many of you are tired of my journal being depression posts over and over, more so than usual.

The thing is, there HAVE been other things I've been meaning to post in here. Quite a few, actually. But I haven't gotten around to posting most of them for multiple reasons:

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I think the best course of action is for me to link to a bunch of old entries in my journal that are vaguely similar to some of the ones I've been wanting to post, so you at least have an idea of what to expect from my journal if you're fairly new to it. If you like these entries, you'll probably like the entries I've been meaning to post; if you think these entries are weird, you'll probably think I'm weird or at least that the entries I've been meaning to post are weird. ;)

In no particular order:

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tree + b = mailbox

My 2020 in LJ

LJ year in review feature for 2020

It's hard to see how I touch my readers' hearts if I made several people angry at me throughout the year and am afraid to post some things because I'm afraid of making people even more angry. :(

And of course LJ had to work in what looks like a 2020-blaming joke in the picture this year. *rolls eyes*

Here, let me fix this...

LJ year in review feature for what 2020 *should* look like

That's more like it. ;)
you must wait


It's December 25 now, I guess. But as far as I'm concerned, it's not Christmas. It's just a random day when my family and I will exchange gifts and I'll probably still be too miserable to enjoy mine. :(

I haven't been motivated to write many entries lately, even once-annual ones. And the list of presents I gave and received will probably be no exception.

Venting again

So I think I've mentioned before that I don't find jokes about the coronavirus, social distancing, face masks, etc. very funny - ESPECIALLY when people start taking it to the extreme and judging people in the PAST, or in FICTIONAL WORLDS where the coronavirus doesn't exist, etc. for whether or not they're social distancing or wearing masks. Because it's like, if they're going to be so judgemental about it in scenarios where it's NOT necessary, then I feel like they probably absolutely HATE people in real life just for coming within 5 feet and 11 inches of them or FORGETTING a mask or taking their mask off for like FIVE SECONDS or something.

I really need to vent about a couple of particularly upsetting examples of such jokes I just came across (because of YouTube recommendations, so no, I don't go LOOKING for these), so here they are:

And a couple I've been seeing in my YouTube recommendations for a while back but still never seen and never intend to:

I've never even seen any of these videos, but I know I'm not going to like them, and I know I DEFINITELY do not like most of the comments on at least the first two. SOME OF THEM ACTUALLY THINK FICTIONAL CHARACTERS HAVE TO FOLLOW THE SAME GUIDELINES AS REAL PEOPLE. Which means those commenters must be REALLY mean to people who don't follow the rules, EVEN WHEN IT'S NOT POSSIBLE TO. As someone who understandings why the guidelines in real life are important, I can say that THAT is why so many people aren't taking it seriously, and why a lot of the time I can't even say I blame people for not taking it seriously.

This is way more annoying than anything else I've ever declared to be annoying.

I might regret saying this, but I think I'm going to feel better if I vent, so I'll just say it. "Jokingly" getting mad at people over new restrictions that NO ONE likes or is used to just makes all the new restrictions even worse than they have to be, and therefore makes more people think they are tyranny. If you actually think any of the above videos or their comments are funny, there is probably something wrong with you.

More examples of what I mean by coronavirus jokes not being funny and making me depressed, since you new readers may have missed this:
nightmare fuel i

THESE articles understand what I've been trying to say!!!!!

THIS explains why shaming others for not wearing masks or for not social distancing is harmful.

THIS explains why shaming others for those things is why I'm depressed.

THIS explains why people who understand that masks are important still don't like them and don't always wear them.