A rejection-sensitivity-based lifeform (matt1993) wrote,
A rejection-sensitivity-based lifeform

Let's play "hilarious thing I found online"


This guy on SparkLife hates The Scarlet Letter so much that he's writing hilarious summaries of it. Don't get me wrong, I actually like the book somewhat, but these summaries are still hilarious.

Top ten lines so far:

10) "The Governor, Reverend Dimmesdale, Reverend Wilson and creepy husband Chillingworth enter the room and immediately begin talking about Pearl, calling her 'a little bird' and a demon child. Tweet tweet! ROAR!"

9) "The charming man tells [Hester] that he's not interested in her soul; he's going to find out who her baby's father is and get his revenge that way. Then he kills a puppy just so we're absolutely certain that he's a bad guy."

8) "I said I wanted mushrooms! This is pepperoni! I didn’t realize Beelzebub worked in this pizzeria!"

7) "Granted, it's probably the most action-packed description of a door in literary history, but still, that's all that happens."

6) "Pearl calls her mother over to look at the giant suit of armor, which would probably be overkill if you were defending yourself from mud attacks."

5) "The most likely answer is that this chapter picks up immediately, but I like to pretend that a few hours have gone by of the townspeople waiting for something to happen as Hester continues being embarrassed and occasionally asking for a chair."

4) "My knowledge of history during this time is a little shaky, but think of all the much cooler jobs [Nathaniel Hawthorne] could've had: blacksmith, statesman, pirate, dinosaur rider."

3) "If I had known that Hester was going to get super powers from this, doesn't [Hawthorne] think [he] should have called the book The Magic Scarlet Letter or The Super Adulterer?"

2) "Then some kid comes over and gives a three-hour lecture as to why he's going to throw a pinecone at Hester's head."

1) "Feeling a strange sensation, [Hawthorne] presses the letter to his chest and suddenly he gains all the powers of the letter A and goes on to fight crime as A-Man! Defender of alphabetizing!"

Tags: 10, 11, 2009, 3, 9, 911, a, alphabetizing, birds, blogging, chillingworth, demons, dimmesdale, hester, internet, letters, mushrooms, nathaniel hawthorne, pearl, pepperoni, pizza, september, sparklife, sparknotes, the scarlet letter

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