A rejection-sensitivity-based lifeform (matt1993) wrote,
A rejection-sensitivity-based lifeform

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Worries of the Week (or so): January 2, 2015

Happy New Year everyone! Though... how is it 2015 ALREADY?

And now for something completely different...

Since my Computer Science Seminar class is definitely going to remind me of the Forbidden Comment Threads (Ω or not - in fact, throughout this entry I sometimes ended up saying just "Forbidden Comment Threads" to mean both) about once every three nanoseconds, I figure I might as well start posting about some of the many other things that remind me of the Forbidden Comment Threads. And a few things besides those that I'm worried about being hated for.

Remember when I decided to eventually start posting about just a few of those things at a time instead of waiting until I'm done with the whole list first? That's exactly what I'm doing! I have a feeling that choosing to start it before a very Forbidden Comment Threads-like class begins is going to be either a very good idea or a very bad idea - I'm not sure which yet. Maybe getting some of these things off my chest right now is exactly what I need to do to feel better in general! Or maybe it will be the fifth-worst mistake I'll ever make! (I'm almost certain it won't be the worst, though)

Right now I'm pretty much choosing semi-randomly out of what I've made so far of the whole list.

I'll probably keep doing it this way, except the "semi" in "semi-randomly" might change from entry to entry. For instance, here I started out by mostly picking things that don't bring back that many bad memories (at the moment), but part of me thought it'd also be a good idea to get some of the worse ones - but nowhere close to the worst ones - out of the way first, so I ended up doing a little of both.

Even within an entry, they're in no particular order except I try to group things together if they're somewhat related.

1) http://malicelabs.com/garfield/mix/15585/

This one doesn't remind me of the Forbidden Comment Threads much, but:

This makes me worried about being hated for: The time when I didn't know the difference between a crush and a girlfriend, even though that was about 4-6 years ago

2) http://malicelabs.com/garfield/mix/16185/

Similar to the above.

This makes me worried about being hated for: Same thing as above. Plus posting comments like this one (and possibly even certain parts of the entry it's on) and this one, and the way I initially asked Schrödinger's Enya if she is Enya.

3) Might as well also include one of surprisingly many actual Garfield strips that remind me of the FCT. Obviously, most of the aforementioned strips only remind me of it a little - not even as much so as the two randomized ones above. But when I'm already feeling down about the FCT (which is apparently not right at the moment for some reason - I think finally getting around to this has already made me feel a little more hopeful), "only a little" can still be too much.

Anyway, on to the one random example of such a strip:

This is why I worry about being hated for: ...well, in this case, only the fact that this reminds me of the FCT even a little. But it does feel surprisingly likely that I'll be hated for that...


This makes me worried about:

- The possibility that I'll eventually make so many mistakes - or that I already have - that I'll NEVER be forgiven for them
- Or being hated because this comic made me worried about something that (I assume) is not actually all that similar to it

5) http://allaboutdepression.com/cau_01.html

Yes, even a website about depression can still include things that remind me of the Forbidden Comment Threads a little - in this case, where this page says "Women may tend to be under more stress than men. In today's American society women often have to manage a variety of conflicting roles. They have many responsibilities and full schedules at home and work."

This makes me worried about being hated for: The fact that something like this that's hardly actually related to the FCT is even a trigger for me at all, whether it's only a little or not. I feel that this will reflect VERY badly on me...

6) Okay, so in Software Engineering class last spring, for the main project, my group had five members - three men (including me) and two women. Throughout the class, we all got along well, and disagreements about any part of the project never got out of hand.

But that didn't stop me from having a dream at some point in that semester (early on, I think) in which the group instead had three or four women (none of them were members of our real-life group, and none of them were anyone else I'd ever met in real life - just three or four random women) and I was the only man, and the women considered everything I said invalid just because I was a man.

This makes me worried about being hated for: Having that dream. Yes, I'm even worried about being hated for a dream I had - and the fact that the dream was probably inspired by how I felt during most of the Forbidden Comment Threads probably made it worse. MUCH worse. I wouldn't be all that surprised if anyone unfriends me just because I had this dream...

7) Another dream from last spring (because that's also when I took Psychology)...

See, in REAL life, my Psychology textbook (and especially the "Gender, Sex and Sexuality" chapter) had already reminded me of the FCT enough times that at some point that semester, I had a dream that my Psychology textbook had "men" or something like it as a vocabulary word with a really snarky definition that was... well, basically, something the women in the dream above would say about men. (Those women weren't in this dream - I just thought that was the easiest way to describe it since I don't remember exactly what the definition said.)

This makes me worried about being hated for: Having THIS dream. Especially since even when my real Psychology textbook reminded me of the FCT, it was still more or less fair to both genders, so I feel like I'm a bad person just because my subconscious decided at one point to exaggerate how much it reminded me of the FCT...

Maybe I should've posted some of the things my real textbook said first, but eh.

This entry does not get a repost button because it is friends-only.
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