A rejection-sensitivity-based lifeform (matt1993) wrote,
A rejection-sensitivity-based lifeform

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That was probably the longest hiatus ever

It's probably been almost 100 years since my last entry on LiveJournal. Or maybe more than that, even.

I wouldn't know for sure - not only have I been unable to find a reliable indication of what day or year today is, I no longer even remember exactly what day anything happened on according to the Gregorian calendar. I think the Forbidden Comment Threads happened on November 17 (or was it the 18th? 19th? 14th? Somewhere around there), though. Or maybe that was when I first saw the Forbidden Comment Threads, I don't remember. And I don't remember the year, either - I'm kind of wanting to think it was 2003 or so, but that doesn't seem right...

Since I do know (whether exactly or approximately) how many days or years a few other things happened after or before the Forbidden Comment Threads, I've been keeping my own calendar system based on that:
The threads themselves either began or were first read by me (I don't remember anymore) on the day 0;000 FCTE (Forbidden Comment Threads Era), the next day was 0;001 FCTE, the first anniversary of them was 1;000 FCTE and the day before that day (assuming I was right about them being the year before a leap year) was 0;365 FCTE, etc.

I think my last LJ entry was in the year 1 or 2 FCTE (maybe even 0 FCTE), and according to my count (which has probably become less accurate in recent years), today is 100;000 FCTE. I don't remember whether I was in high school or college in 0 FCTE, but that does mean I'm probably about 113-130 now (as clearly not reflected in this userpic - I feel like I should update my appearance on it, but I'm not as good at editing sprites as I used to be).

If I'm right about what day 0;000 FCTE is in the Gregorian calendar, that would mean this entry's timestamp really should be November 17, 2103, but since the downfall of civilization happened before LiveJournal's staff ever increased the latest possible year for an entry's timestamp past 2037, I had to post this with an anagram of 2103 as the year instead.

Even with this calendar system, I still don't even vaguely remember what year it was when civilization collapsed (except, of course, it must have been before 2038). I don't remember how it collapsed, either - all I know is that I'm the only surviving being on Earth that I know of and that I somehow feel indirectly responsible for it...

I seem to remember that in the year 0 BFCTE (that is, the year before 0 FCTE) I stopped checking my friends page on LiveJournal regularly so that I would have more time to work on homework and some project ideas that I thought of that kept distracting me until I finished them (or until society's collapse made me forget what they were). Then in 0 and 1 FCTE I also avoided it most of the time because I didn't want to see anything that reminded me of the Forbidden Comment Threads. Also, sometime around the latter half of 1 FCTE, I stopped checking other websites that I had previously been checking daily, even some collaborative webcomics that I think I wanted to contribute to eventually; I think originally I made that decision merely because I needed more time for homework.

But the longer I waited to start checking all of these places again, the more afraid I became to find out how many things might have dramatically changed in the meantime. And then, before I knew it, almost everything and everyone I remember was gone... I still have the Internet, obviously (otherwise I wouldn't be able to post this), but I still am reluctant to read anything on it (even old posts in my own journal) even to find out what happened or when, because now I'm afraid of finding out that the end of the world as I knew it was something I could've somehow helped prevent if I'd found out about it earlier from my friends page or one of those webcomics or something.

This probably doesn't make much sense, because as one might expect, my health and my sanity have slowly but surely been deteriorating for a long time now. In fact, I'm only posting again at all just in case it turns out that I'm not the last human alive, since I don't think I will make it much longer. Actually, I don't even remember if that was why I'm posting this...


Okay, okay, I'm done playing Pretend You're The Last Being On Earth Nearly 100 Years From Now.

In fact, I probably lost, because it's obvious* that it really is still 2013, I'm still 20, I still know what day it is, I know for a fact that tomorrow is only two years after I first read the Forbidden Comment Threads (and I know this from the Gregorian calendar, not the calendar I just made up), my memory is about as good as it was earlier this year (which probably isn't saying a whole lot...), civilization has not collapsed, and so on.

But nevertheless, that is roughly how bad I feel about not checking my friends page regularly since 2011 - and, in fact, spending the past month or so without checking my friends page or posting to my own journal. (And at some point this year I really did also decide to stop checking Square Root of Minus Garfield, Lightning Made of Owls, etc. for a while to have more time for... I'm not even exactly sure what now. Either homework or that list of posts I was worried about, I think. But that's kind of irrelevant right now.)

So I have made what may be the most surprising decision you've ever seen me make.

Sign of the apocalypse ♯1118:

I'm going to start checking my friends page regularly again!!!!

Yes, no matter how bad I end up feeling when I read it (which shouldn't even be as bad as I did the last time I was in Catch Up On Friends List For First Time In A While mode, since now I can filter out entries with tags that are likely to be on drama-filled entries and thus hopefully rarely see them), I plan to catch up on my friends page as far back as possible, then starting on the day after I finish doing that, read it at least once a week (hopefully at least once every 2 days most of the time) from then on!

Except for possibly around Valentine's Day every year, but depending on how much help the tag filters end up being, I might not even have to make that an exception!

I always was planning on eventually starting to check it again, by the way. Remember when I said that I'd been writing an entry with a poll asking you which creative vortexes and stuff you want me to start (or get back to) working on first? Checking my friends page again was going to be one of the options in that poll as well, but later on I decided it would be best to catch up on it right now, then ask about just the other things.

Before I do any of that, though, here's some things that have actually been going on in my life since the last time I posted regularly:

- I mentioned that Computer Graphics class had been giving me a really hard time at first, but it's getting better - I got a shiny new laptop that has the right version of OpenGL on it so I don't have to use the lab's computers, and I'm figuring out more about how OpenGL works, so while some of the programs are still tedious to write, whenever I run into problems with them I usually figure them out on my own now.

- Programming Languages class has usually felt about the same as Computer Graphics (except I didn't need a new computer for it). Especially the Java programs. We recently started on the Perl part of the course, though, and so far I'm finding the Perl programs easier :)

- My other classes (Differential Equations, Operations Research, and even Music Appreciation) have all been easier than expected! Though they do still give enough assignments that sometimes it really was homework, not procrastination, that kept me from updating on LJ...

- I had five cavities filled in recently. If that had happened in 2009 or 2010, I would've posted an entry when I found out about the first cavity, one when I found out about the other four and had two of them filled in, and one when I had the last three filled in, but instead you're just finding out about all of this now. My LJ was so much more interesting when I actually updated when things other than homework or something that reminds me of online drama happened, and I'm desperately hoping to get back to that point...

And there wasn't much else that was very interesting, unfortunately. Even my procrastination has been mostly limited to video games lately.

How about I post a quiz too? That's something I did a lot in 2009 and 2010!

The Coen Brothers Should Direct the Movie of Your Life

You can't help but see the darker side of life. You are drawn to eccentricity.

You have a sharp wit, and your sense of humor can be a bit extreme. You tend to shock people.

You are an unusual character, and the people you hang around with are equally quirky.

You may be weird but you're also quite lovable. You are definitely unforgettable.

Well, enough trying to also (unsuccessfully) compensate for my recent lack of entries and not-so-recent lack of interesting entries for the time being. Off to read my friends page! Here goes nothing...

*Okay, so if it really is the 22nd century or later by the time you read this, then depending on what's happened since I posted it, it might not have already been obvious that I posted this in 2013. But at least now you know too :)

Tags: 1, 100, 11, 1114, 1117, 1118, 1119, 113, 130, 14, 17, 18, 19, 2, 20, 2003, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2013, 2037, 2038, 2103, 22, 3, 365, 4, 5, ages, anagrams, apocalypse, asperger, blogthings, calculus, calendars, cavities, college, comics, comments on a postcard, computer science, computers, creative vortexes, directing, drama, earth, flame wars, forbidden comment threads, forgetfulness, friends, friends page, future, glitches, hiatus, high school, holidays, homework, humanity, humor, internet, java, laptops, life, lightning made of owls, livejournal, lj entries, lj friends, lj userpics, math, music, november, perl, procrastination, programming, public entries, repost buttons, sanity, school, sprites, square root of minus garfield, tags, teeth, time, timekeeping, triggers, userpics, valentine's day, video games, webcomics, weirdness, years, zero

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