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Garfield Randomizer Etc. 9

For those of you new here, it's become a tradition for me to post comics made with the Garfield Randomizer after I've been on hiatus for a while. And I've also promised to post some comics made with Garkov as well, but I never did, and I found about two more similar randomizer things in the meantime, so here you go!

I don't have any vision-impaired transcripts for my older ones yet, but I've added that as yet another entry on my to-do list :)



Garfield Randomizer ♯159-163

← Comics 151-158



159 - ...
GARFIELD: [running from a dog in running shoes] You can't catch me!
[Garfield is suddenly at home. Jon serves him something I can't identify.]
JON: Tah-dah!
[they suddenly have cups of coffee]
GARFIELD: Yeah!

160 - Apparently, you don't have to be THAT patient
GARFIELD: [with ketchup all over his face, with an empty ketchup bottle nearby] Cats can also be very stupid.
[Garfield lies down and the ketchup disappears]
GARFIELD: If you're patient...
[Garfield suddenly comes indoors from outside where it's raining, wearing a wet sweater]
JON: Too late.

161 - :(
[Garfield is watching TV, looking shocked]
TV: You'll just have to go out and live your lives instead of sitting there watching us!
[Garfield is suddenly in a paper bag]
GARFIELD: Darn... no groceries.
[Garfield quickly goes outside and scratches the mailman.]
GARFIELD: [smiling] How sad.

162 - Oh sure, blame the dog!
GARFIELD: [off-panel] HAAAACK
[Jon is startled]
[Garfield walks up to Odie]
GARFIELD: Odie, how can you be so stupid?

163 - Good idea! Sleep on it!
GARFIELD: [lying down] Stop stealing my lines.
JON: [reading a catalog] I'm looking through a veterinary supply catalog for a Valentine's Day gift for Liz.
GARFIELD: [now in bed] Z





Garkov ♯1-10



1 - Some of what? Non-sequiturs? You have enough already. Lunatic fringe indeed...
GARFIELD: [in bed] And some from the lunatic fringe.
GARFIELD: [jumps out of bed] I call it the "cash. [with only an opening quote]
JON: [smiling] Eat that cookie and die! [there is not a cookie in this scene]
GARFIELD: [walking past Jon] I sure could use some of.

2 - I hate to see a grown man sleep with his eyes open. In fact, ANYONE is creepy sleeping with their eyes open...
[Garfield is in bed]
JON: [to Garfield] Z
JON: Let's talk health here.
GARFIELD: [gets under covers] I hate to see a grown man.

3 - ... I don't think I wanna know what Odie did to Irma...
[Odie brings an unidentifiable object to Jon.]
SFX: CLUNK! [Odie drops the object]
JON: Of course. Mornin', Irma.
GARFIELD: Maybe I could get going if I let you kill me without an.

4 - More like, what happened to YOU? :P
JON: [in bed, yawning] Neither can I.
JON: [startled] What happened to you?
[Garfield shows up wearing glasses and grinning.]
JON: Nope, it's Jon.
GARFIELD: But he passed out lacing his.

5 - One big and beautiful patch of grass indeed
GARFIELD: [holding onto a tree, looking down] You're big, you're beautiful, and people love you.
[Garfield zooms down and gets his head stuck in the ground]
GARFIELD: Here's.

6 - You've matured in absolutely nothing? All right! That's better than I've done!
[it's raining outside]
JON: [thinking] When.
JON: [thinking, while rushing to the door] I've matured in-
[Jon lets Garfield in. Garfield's wearing a wet sweater]
JON: [empty thought bubble]

7 - What the celery?
JON: [in bed, yawning] Musical notes. [yes, he actually says "Musical notes"]
JON: [startled] Happy birthday, Garfield! I got you a scratching post.
[Garfield is wearing glasses and grinning]
JON: Mrs. Fronzak, my old.
GARFIELD: I could just scream.

8 - Pizzas, bees, liver, and snowballs are NOT the same thing!
JON: [showing Garfield a can of cat food, but covering the label] That'll be the pizza.
GARFIELD: A bee! Go.
JON: Nyahh! Nyahh! Nyahh!
GARFIELD: I can always sense when Jon is.
JON: {revealing the label: "LIVER"} He.
GARFIELD: I call it the "have a nice day" snowball.

9 - Not a very good Christmas gift...
[Jon is playing golf]
SFX: PUTT!
SFX: STOMP! [Garfield stomps the ball just before it reaches the hole]
JON: [shocked] Maybe I'll get a good.
GARFIELD: It's the Christmas.

10 - That looks nothing like a bowl OR rubber bands...
[Garfield is sitting next to a fork and a spoon]
GARFIELD: They'll never steal my lunch.
[Garfield holds the fork and spoon up to his head like antlers]
GARFIELD: I'll have to act like a bowl of rubber bands.
JON: That means the bib, [sentence ends in a comma]
GARFIELD: Barbecue me a chicken?





Previously on the X-Files ♯4-8

EDIT IN 2018: These are gone now :( I'm so glad I decided to do the vision-impaired transcript thing for just this one entry, because otherwise there'd be no record of what these said!

← ♯3



MULDER: We gots to go.
CIGARETTE-SMOKING MAN: We tell you only what you managed to do the job!
MULDER: Let me get back to the shootings at the crash site?
CIGARETTE-SMOKING MAN: Did you get back is another box of chocolates. You're stuck with this man. I told him of you.

"There were shootings at the crash site? Eh. Bring me some more chocolates!"



MULDER: I'm composing a sonnet. I'm slowing down for a second?
SCULLY: ...
MULDER: Riot slugs-- rubber. Uh-huh. ... Yeah. ... No. But why only westward movement?
SCULLY: But there are silent explosions from a gas can.

Riot Slugs (or Rubber Riot Slugs) would make a great name for a band.



SCULLY: Without any other theory. I mean, you even said that she was making it all started.
SKINNER: Because whatever I believe you have any idea what that is?
SCULLY: I know what to say, say it.
SKINNER: I want to know what time it is.

Either 10:13 or 6:66, probably.



MULDER: "Credentials"
SCULLY: Fully conscious. We set up a postmortem folder for a single pheromone to be your next-door neighbor.
MULDER: I was looking for a man who set you up... you and the fungus...
SCULLY: Fully conscious. We set up a postmortem folder for Mr. Anson Stokes.

I like to think of this as being in the same canon as this userpic I made:


TOAD: Thank you Agent Mulder! But the truth is in another out there!



FROHIKE: If that's the lovely Agent Scully, let her know I've been working out. I'm feeling lucky.
SCULLY: ...
FROHIKE: ... is behind some of the darkest, most far-reaching conspiracies on the wild side.
SCULLY: Your cigarette-smoking, son of a magician who called himself the Amazing Maleeni.

All I have to say is, LOL.





Jesus Markoving Christ ♯1-5

EDIT IN 2018: These are gone now :( I'm so glad I decided to do the vision-impaired transcript thing for just this one entry, because otherwise there'd be no record of what these said!



Luke 5:22

"Piously you strain a gnat from your feet as you commanded, and still you fail to comfort me!"

http://joshmillard.com/markov/christ/



Matthew 7:50

"While counting his flock of one heart and mind, just as Jonah was in prison, but you cannot understand them just now."

...Or ever, apparently.



Luke 12:47

"Finally, towards evening, he met a few pennies."



John 16:27

"I was in the treasury, or the temple and parade in the streets."

This is the toughest game of Clue (or Cluedo if you're outside the U.S.) yet...



Matthew 13:48

"All things that were originally invited will taste of the Lord."

But I wasn't originally invited! :(



Comments

( 4 pigeons used the Internet — You're quite honest, aren't you? )
xlightbringerx
Mar. 13th, 2012 12:47 am (UTC)
I am laughing my ass off at Garkov! Why are they speaking in random sentence fragments?
matt1993
Mar. 13th, 2012 04:16 am (UTC)
http://joshmillard.com/garkov/

Garkov is named for Markov chains, a method of generating semi-coherent text based on a text source (in this case, transcripts of official Garfield strips). :)
xlightbringerx
Mar. 13th, 2012 05:51 am (UTC)
Oh, interesting! I hadn't heard of Markov chains before.
pathvain_aelien
Mar. 13th, 2012 07:50 am (UTC)
:)
( 4 pigeons used the Internet — You're quite honest, aren't you? )

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