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Whatever Matt Feels Like Posting

This is where I post my incoherent ramblings. It's where I post the coherent ones, too!

March 12th, 2012

Garfield Randomizer Etc. 9 @ 12:42 am

Soundtrack: SRoMG #218

For those of you new here, it's become a tradition for me to post comics made with the Garfield Randomizer after I've been on hiatus for a while. And I've also promised to post some comics made with Garkov as well, but I never did, and I found about two more similar randomizer things in the meantime, so here you go!

I don't have any vision-impaired transcripts for my older ones yet, but I've added that as yet another entry on my to-do list :)

Garfield Randomizer #159-163

← Comics 151-158

159 - ...

GARFIELD: {running from a dog in running shoes} You can't catch me!
{Garfield is suddenly at home. Jon serves him something I can't identify.}
JON: Tah-dah!
{they suddenly have cups of coffee}

160 - Apparently, you don't have to be THAT patient

GARFIELD: {with ketchup all over his face, with an empty ketchup bottle nearby} Cats can also be very stupid.
{Garfield lies down and the ketchup disappears}
GARFIELD: If you're patient...
{Garfield suddenly comes indoors from outside where it's raining, wearing a wet sweater}
JON: Too late.

161 - :(

{Garfield is watching TV, looking shocked}
TV: You'll just have to go out and live your lives instead of sitting there watching us!
{Garfield is suddenly in a paper bag}
GARFIELD: Darn... no groceries.
{Garfield quickly goes outside and scratches the mailman.}
GARFIELD {smiling}: How sad.

162 - Oh sure, blame the dog!

{Jon is startled}
{Garfield walks up to Odie}
GARFIELD: Odie, how can you be so stupid?

163 - Good idea! Sleep on it!

GARFIELD {lying down}: Stop stealing my lines.
JON {reading a catalog}: I'm looking through a veterinary supply catalog for a Valentine's Day gift for Liz.
GARFIELD {now in bed}: Z

Garkov #1-10

1 - Some of what? Non-sequiturs? You have enough already. Lunatic fringe indeed...

GARFIELD {in bed}: And some from the lunatic fringe.
GARFIELD: {jumps out of bed} I call it the "cash. {with only an opening quote}
JON: Eat that cookie and die!
GARFIELD: I sure could use some of.

2 - I hate to see a grown man sleep with his eyes open. In fact, ANYONE is creepy sleeping with their eyes open...

JON {talking to Garfield in bed}: Z
JON: Let's talk health here.
GARFIELD: {gets under covers} I hate to see a grown man.

3 - ... I don't think I wanna know what Odie did to Irma...

{Odie brings an unidentifiable object that vaguely resembles a black mustache to Jon.}
SFX: CLUNK! {Odie drops the object}
JON: Of course. Mornin', Irma.
GARFIELD: Maybe I could get going if I let you kill me without an.

4 - More like, what happened to YOU? :P

JON: {in bed, yawning} Neither can I.
JON: {startled} What happened to you?
{Garfield is wearing glasses and grinning.}
JON: Nope, it's Jon.
GARFIELD: But he passed out lacing his.

5 - One big and beautiful patch of grass indeed

GARFIELD {holding onto a tree, looking down} You're big, you're beautiful, and people love you.
{Garfield zooms down and gets his head stuck in the ground}

6 - You've matured in absolutely nothing? All right! That's better than I've done!

{it's raining outside}
JON: {thinking} When.
JON: {thinking, while rushing to the door} I've matured in-
{Jon lets Garfield in. Garfield's wearing a wet sweater}
JON: {empty thought bubble}

7 - What the celery?

JON: {in bed, yawning} Musical notes. {yes, he actually says "Musical notes"}
JON: {startled} Happy birthday, Garfield! I got you a scratching post.
{Garfield is wearing glasses and grinning}
JON: Mrs. Fronzak, my old.
GARFIELD: I could just scream.

8 - Pizzas, bees, liver, and snowballs are NOT the same thing!

JON: {showing Garfield a can of cat food, but covering the label} That'll be the pizza.
GARFIELD: A bee! Go.
JON: Nyahh! Nyahh! Nyahh!
GARFIELD: I can always sense when Jon is.
JON: {revealing the label: "LIVER"} He.
GARFIELD: I call it the "have a nice day" snowball.

9 - Not a very good Christmas gift...

{Jon is playing golf}
SFX: STOMP! {Garfield stomps the ball just before it reaches the hole}
JON: Maybe I'll get a good.
GARFIELD: It's the Christmas.

10 - That looks nothing like a bowl OR rubber bands...

{Garfield is sitting next to a fork and a spoon}
GARFIELD: They'll never steal my lunch.
{Garfield holds the fork and spoon up to his head like antlers}
GARFIELD: I'll have to act like a bowl of rubber bands.
JON: That means the bib, {sentence ends in a comma}
GARFIELD: Barbecue me a chicken?

Previously on the X-Files #4-8

← #3

MULDER: We gots to go.
CIGARETTE-SMOKING MAN: We tell you only what you managed to do the job!
MULDER: Let me get back to the shootings at the crash site?
CIGARETTE-SMOKING MAN: Did you get back is another box of chocolates. You're stuck with this man. I told him of you.

"There were shootings at the crash site? Eh. Bring me some more chocolates!"

MULDER: I'm composing a sonnet. I'm slowing down for a second?
MULDER: Riot slugs-- rubber. Uh-huh. ... Yeah. ... No. But why only westward movement?
SCULLY: But there are silent explosions from a gas can.

Riot Slugs (or Rubber Riot Slugs) would make a great name for a band.

SCULLY: Without any other theory. I mean, you even said that she was making it all started.
SKINNER: Because whatever I believe you have any idea what that is?
SCULLY: I know what to say, say it.
SKINNER: I want to know what time it is.

Either 10:13 or 6:66, probably.

MULDER: "Credentials"
SCULLY: Fully conscious. We set up a postmortem folder for a single pheromone to be your next-door neighbor.
MULDER: I was looking for a man who set you up... you and the fungus...
SCULLY: Fully conscious. We set up a postmortem folder for Mr. Anson Stokes.

I like to think of this as being in the same canon as this userpic I made:

TOAD: Thank you Agent Mulder! But the truth is in another out there!

FROHIKE: If that's the lovely Agent Scully, let her know I've been working out. I'm feeling lucky.
FROHIKE: ... is behind some of the darkest, most far-reaching conspiracies on the wild side.
SCULLY: Your cigarette-smoking, son of a magician who called himself the Amazing Maleeni.

All I have to say is, LOL.

Jesus Markoving Christ #1-5

Luke 5:22

"Piously you strain a gnat from your feet as you commanded, and still you fail to comfort me!"


Matthew 7:50

"While counting his flock of one heart and mind, just as Jonah was in prison, but you cannot understand them just now."

...Or ever, apparently.

Luke 12:47

"Finally, towards evening, he met a few pennies."

John 16:27

"I was in the treasury, or the temple and parade in the streets."

This is the toughest game of Clue (or Cluedo if you're outside the U.S.) yet...

Matthew 13:48

"All things that were originally invited will taste of the Lord."

But I wasn't originally invited! :(

Spread the word  |  |


[User Picture Icon]
Date:March 13th, 2012 12:47 am (UTC)
I am laughing my ass off at Garkov! Why are they speaking in random sentence fragments?
[User Picture Icon]
Date:March 13th, 2012 04:16 am (UTC)

Garkov is named for Markov chains, a method of generating semi-coherent text based on a text source (in this case, transcripts of official Garfield strips). :)
[User Picture Icon]
Date:March 13th, 2012 05:51 am (UTC)
Oh, interesting! I hadn't heard of Markov chains before.
[User Picture Icon]
Date:March 13th, 2012 07:50 am (UTC)

Whatever Matt Feels Like Posting

This is where I post my incoherent ramblings. It's where I post the coherent ones, too!