A rejection-sensitivity-based lifeform (matt1993) wrote,
A rejection-sensitivity-based lifeform

Moya, quit being paranoid

Now I'm at 3,891 words! Team Brennario still has no Stars, though.

←Part 1 (edited) & Part 2 (unedited) Part 4 (unedited)→

"Hey, there's Mario and Luigi, the Mario Bros.!" said Enya, pointing to the men and starting to walk over to them. "I remember them from PrtSc Land!"

"PrtSc Land?" I asked, following her.

"Some weird webcomic I saw. The author put me, those guys, and a lot of other people in without the permission of any of them except his sister, forced Dido and I to hate each other for no reason whatsoever, and made everyone else pick sides. But then he gave up and never did anything with it. Those guys were on my side. And Bowser - that guy," - she pointed to the monster - "was on Dido's side."

We stood beside the Mario Bros. and looked up at Bowser.

"You're too late, Mario Bros.!" he shouted, looking down at them. He turned towards Enya and I. So did the Mario Bros.

"And, uh..." Bowser continued, "...alternate universe...gender-swapped...Mario Bros...." (How could the Mario Bros. possibly be alternate versions of us?!) "...who are also annoying enough to follow me all--"

"MY NAME IS ENYA BRENNAN," Enya began, "AND--" - she pointed to me - "MY SISTER'S NAME IS MOYA!!"

"Shh!" I told her. "He'll ask us to do concerts!"

"Fine then," replied Bowser. "N With A Squiggle and Moria. Anyway, the power of the Stars is already MINE! And look what

I got..."

Enya, the Mario Bros., and I looked at Bowser's hand (though, of course, I already knew he had Roma, Nicky, and Peach).

"GWAHAHAAH!" yelled Bowser. At the same time, Peach, Nicky, and Roma all screamed, "HELP US!"

"I'm HUUUUGE!" shouted Bowser after a brief pause. Oh good, I can mark that off my to do list now.


1) Measure Bowser's height
2) Save Nicky, Roma & Peach
3) Enjoy not-ruined birthday
4) Leave mean comments on PrtSc Land

"Even scarier up close, huh?" Bowser continued. He sure is narcissistic.

"MARIO! LUIGI!" screamed Peach. At the same time, Roma and Nicky screamed, "ENYA! MOYA!"

"Maybe I'll have Peach bake ME something for once...I could sure go for a galaxy-sized slice of cake right now!" continued Bowser. Ew. "I'm way too huge for this puny planet!" How? He's still smaller than it. "I deserve an empire that's more ME size! And I'll put it in the center of the universe! And I'll have..." - he looked in his full hand - "...uh...my non-Peach prisoners write the--"

"I'M ROMA, AND HE'S NICKY!!" interrupted Roma.

"Well, excUUUUUUse me! I'll have ROLE MODEL and NICKELBACK write its national anthem!"

If he didn't know their names, how did he know that they write "N With A Squiggle's" song lyrics? Or about Nickelback, for that matter?

"Have fun with your stupid mushrooms!" he finished, turning around and flying into the sky (which I just now noticed was dark). He disappeared in a flash of light that somehow made the sky bright. The mushroom people were no longer running around, but they still looked extremely worried.

"Mario! Luigi! Enya! Moya!" said a voice from the castle. How does whoever it was know our names? I thought. The only residents of this universe who I know heard Enya announce our names were Mario and Luigi, who are right here, and Bowser and Peach, who just left. The Mario Bros. headed towards the voice, doing silly-looking flying leaps while shouting, "WOOHOO!" and "WHEE!" and "YEAH-HA!" They sure are happy to have to rescue people from a turtle/porcupine thing. Enya and I followed. Enya had the dignity to not do those silly leaps, but apparently not enough to not jump over a bench with her arm in the air, saying, "Yah!" I, of course, went around the bench and did not jump at all. On the way, Luigi came to a crystal in the ground with smaller, multicolored pointy crystals inside it. He broke open the large crystal by punching it while spinning, which somehow made little starry trails behind his hands, as well as making an adorable, delicious-looking white star-shaped creature come out of his hat and go back in. How does it fit in there? Then he took all of the small crystals (or at least that's what I'm assuming - they disappeared, making pling! sounds, when he touched them). THIEF!

In front of the castle bridge were two more star creatures like the one in Luigi's hat, except that these were yellow.

Maybe the one in Luigi's hat was vanilla and these two were lemon?

"Mario? Do you know where that monster came from? Any of you?" asked one of the lemon stars. "He took your princess and those strangers to the center of the universe!" Right, like a princess would be in love with a guy that looks like a plumber. "You all must hurry and save them!"

The vanilla star came out of Mario's hat, holding it.

"OH! Master Luma!" exclaimed one of the lemon stars.

"Wait a minute. Weren't you just in Luigi's hat when he stole those crystal things?" I asked Master Luma.

"For your information, Moya," said Luigi, sounding offended, "They are called Star Bits, and I was collecting them. During the Star Festival every hundred years, thousands of Star Bits fall from the sky and we collect them." My birthday's on the same day as the Star Festival? Cool!

"Okay then," I said to Master Luma. "Weren't you just in Luigi's hat when he collected the Star Bits?"

Master Luma went back between Mario's hat and his head and came out of Enya's, holding her hat the same way he did with Mario's. Enya twitched, startled, and looked at it. Then Master Luma went back between her hat and her head and came out of my hair. I was kind of expecting it, so I didn't jump as much as Enya did. Strange.

"Anyway, young master Luma," the lemon star continued, "Sorry to interrupt your magic trick, but did you get thrown overboard too? Good thing you're safe! I see...So you're going to stay in all of their caps, and Moya's hair, at once?" Are they telepathic or something? And if so, why does the lemon one still have to speak? "That should be safe for now..."

Um, that doesn't sound very safe at all. Especially if he's going to hide in my hair.

"But, the rest of you," the lemon star continued, "you have other things to worry about, like saving the princess!...But how?" He/she/it/yum paused. "I know! With young master Luma's help, you can use the power of the stars! And we Lumas can help a little too!"

So Master Luma is just named after his species? He must have some very uncreative parents when it comes to naming. If I were a Luma named Luma, I would be pretty depressed about it. I'd probably commit suicide by eating myself.

The lemon Luma spun for a couple of seconds and turned into a bigger, flat, less delicious-looking star with a smaller star like it and a light inside. Apparently, Lumas turn into inanimate objects. Kind of sad if you think about it.

"As thanks for saving our friends, we'll send you into space to get that monster!" said the Luma. No, not the other Luma - the one that just turned into an inedible whatever-it-was. Then again, Lumas don't seem to have mouths in the first place, so I guess that doesn't matter.

"Now! Let's go after them!" continued the Luma/double star thingy. "Come here! Shake your Wii Remote!" Wii Remote? Huh?

Without bothering to put on a space suit or anything, Mario walked straight through to the center of the double star thingy, which glowed when he was in it, and spun like Luigi did earlier. The star thingy spun with him, and then shot him into the sky. Luigi did the same. And then Enya started to, but--

"Are you out of your mind?!" I demanded. "Don't you need a space suit to go into space?"

"If they don't need space suits, I don't," she replied, sounding slightly annoyed. "And do you think anyone here knew right away that this would happen and made space suits?" She went into the star thingy and blasted off. Reluctantly, I went into the star thingy, held my breath and squeezed the sides of my stomach as hard as I could (that way, if it had turned out they did in fact need space suits, there would be a chance I would at least have lived long enough to tell them "I told you so" before I died from the lack of oxygen and atmospheric pressure), and blasted off. I don't know what that whole Wii Remote thing was about, because I spun just fine just by, well, spinning.

I think it's a rare thing for singers and plumbers (especially plumbers) to go into space without space suits to catch a turtle/porcupine monster.


"Moya, quit being paranoid," I heard Enya say.

I looked up. We were still flying through space, and none of us had died from depressurization or the lack of oxygen. Or maybe we were dead and this was the afterlife in this universe. Either way, that meant it was safe to exhale and stop squeezing my sides now, so I did.

"YI-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI!" exclaimed Mario, waving his arms and starting to fall. So we were still alive after all - I doubt any afterlife would involve flying through space, but for only a minute or so. Luigi, of course, did the same thing a few seconds later. And then, of course, Enya and I, but instead of "YI-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI!" we just screamed until we landed on a small, flat, grassy planet with a white, cylindrical house on one side and a fence between the two sides.

Mario had landed on a grey, circular rock, above which was another lemon Luma. The rest of us came up beside him.

"Our Power Stars...They're gone! Some gigantic monster stole them!" cried the Luma. "If you're going after that monster, you might see our Power Stars out there too!"

Well, duh.

"Please bring our Power Stars back. We Lumas will help you along your way!"

Can't they get their Power Stars back and rescue Roma, Nicky, and Peach themselves? Especially since they can float in midair and we can't?

We went down a dirt trail around the house. Along the way were three gold coins spinning on--no--just above the ground, as well as three Star Bits bouncing up and down. The Mario Bros. "collected" them along the way (and I swear I saw one of the Star Bits just fly straight to Mario). They had better not try to tell me that the Star Festival and the Coin Festival take place on the same day...

About halfway down the trail was the door to the house, which had a picture of a cute dinosaur on it. A greyish-brown mushroom/chipmunk-looking creature with no arms waddled over to us, and Enya...stomped it! Which flattened it! Then it disappeared and another of those coins popped out, which Enya grabbed!

I was appalled. "Did either of you just see that?!" I asked the Mario Bros.

"See-a what?" said Mario.

"Enya killing that chipmunk thing and stealing his coin!"

"Chipmunk thing?"

"Never mind," I groaned. "I'll tell you if I see another one like it."

Enya wasn't listening, because she was reading the sign next to the door. The rest of us joined her. It read:

Hello, friend! Please go around back!


That's kinda redundant for him to include a drawing of himself on the sign if he's already depicted on the door. And kinda unsafe for him to include either. I will give him credit for being a dinosaur yet managing to exist in 2010 and being able to write, draw, and build a house in space, though.

Anyway, at the end of the trail were two pipes like the one Bowser used to ruin my birthday party, except that they were a lot smaller and that one was orange. How many universes are we gonna have to visit before this is all over?!

"We should split up," suggested Enya. "Mario, Luigi, you take the orange one. Moya and I will take the green one."

The rest of us agreed. It turned out that both pipes led to the other side of this planet, but the Mario Bros. ended up in a cage while Enya and I were outside of it. This side was dirt-covered, and on the opposite side of Yoshi's house was a hill of darker-colored dirt with a crystal at the top (similar to the one Luigi broke open earlier, but bigger).

"OH! So sorry!" said Enya, surprised.

"It's alright," said Luigi. "There's a 1-Up Mushroom in here." He moved so we could see the white-spotted green mushroom with eyes behind him.

"1-Up Mushroom?" I asked.

"You-a know, 1-Up..." Mario explained. I still didn't understand. "An extra life," he continued.

"Extra life? So just eating a green mushroom you found sitting there staring at you grants you one reincarnation?"

"Haven't you ever played video games?"

This is a video game? That's certainly not creepy in any way whatsoever.

"If I-a lose a life, but I have-a at least one more left, I start-a back at the last-a checkpoint I reached." Mario then proceeded to "eat" (there seems to be no distinguishing between collecting and eating things in this universe) the 1-Up Mushroom (causing a quick melody to play) without bothering to share it with Luigi. Then again, it's not like he could cut it in half without touching it. Come to think of it, if they each ate half of it, would only half of each of them reappear after they died?

The Mario Bros. went back into the pipe. After a few seconds, they came out of the green pipe. On the side of the green pipe opposite the cage was a green TV screen showing...us. As we approached it, it zoomed in on itself, revealing an infinite amount of Brennan Sstrs. & Mario Bros.

"Here's a tip!" exclaimed the TV. "You can spin to defeat enemies! Want to see how?"

"No," replied Mario. Kind of rude of him, if you ask me, though I guess TVs don't expect perfect manners.

"Good luck out there!" said the TV.

Ahead were three more of those chipmunk things (although these weren't as grey) and a floating yellow cube with a question mark on it. And Mario spin-attacked the first chipmunk and kicked it! Three Star Bits popped out, which, of course, he took. I don't see why that TV wanted to teach us something that at least Mario already knew.

"See, that's what I was talking about earlier!" I said to him. "Enya stomped on one of those and flattened it!"

"Those-a are Goombas," Mario explained. Since that sounds like a racial slur, I'll continue to call them chipmunks. "They-a used to fight-a for the Mushroom Kingdom alongside-a the Toads, but twenty-five years ago, when-a Bowser kidnapped Peach for-a the first time, they-a betrayed the Mushroom Kingdom and-a started working for him."

Bowser has kidnapped Peach more than once? She sure is useless.

"Oh, come on. It's not like they could actually hurt you or..." I started. "Ah, forget it." As little sense as this makes, if I keep arguing about every little thing, we'll never save Nicky, Roma, or Useless. I mean Peach.

Up ahead, I saw Luigi and Enya kick the next two chipmunks and take their Star Bits. Mario hit the block with the question mark and it turned into some more Star Bits. I somehow collected some of them just by reaching for them. I saw another crystal behind where the chipmunks were (this one was the same size as the one Luigi broke), so I broke it with a spin, and, as I expected, more Star Bits.

Luigi went to the top of the hill and, amazingly, broke open the crystal with only one spin, revealing another line of coins and a hole. He, Mario, and Enya jumped in, which I thought was kind of foolish, but there didn't seem to be anywhere else to go, so I followed.

It led us to the top of Yoshi's house, where there were two lemon Lumas. Around the hole were three pink fruits and a sign.

"Over here!" shouted the second Luma.

We approached him.

"The other Lumas told me about you! Thank you for helping us!" he continued. "I'm going to transform into a Launch Star. Come over and fly!"

He turned into another of those double star things (so that's what they're called), and we blasted off as before.

The next planet was of an irregular shape with mainly square edges, and it had a black hole under it. How is it not being sucked into the black hole? Anyway, we landed in an area with the cliffs fenced off. Ahead was a creature about the same shape as those chipmunks, but blue with yellow spots and with a snout and a yellow antenna. Another lemon Luma floated to the slightly higher ledge behind the blue Goomba thing. "This way!" he said.

We followed him, ignoring the whatever-it-was (it did try to shoot a rock at us out of its snout, but it missed) and the coin, and came to two more whatever things. This was when I finally noticed that something in my mouth felt weird. I tried to spit it out, but it turned out to be my tongue, which had somehow become really long and stuck to one of the blue whatevers. It tasted better than you'd expect, so I went ahead and ate it. Somehow, three Star Bits shot out of my mouth. Strange, but I went ahead and collected them. Enya, the Mario Bros., and the Luma stared at me, perplexed. Enya ate the other blue thingy in the same way, as if to see if she had a tongue like that too.

"You two are part Yoshi?!" asked Luigi, still staring. Wait, so Yoshi is named after his species too? This universe is in serious need of some baby naming websites.

"What? No!" I replied, somewhat embarrassed. "We had human tongues in our home universe. I have no idea whatsoever how they changed when we came here."

"Follow me!" exclaimed the Luma.

"Alright, alright, we're coming," I told him. However, to me, the path seemed obvious - to the left of the Luma was an outline of a yellow platform, which generated actual yellow platforms that rose to the ledge behind them and disappeared - so I tried eating the Luma, but my tongue wouldn't stick to him. All it did was make him spin around a couple of times and squeak. He did taste like lemon, though. Yum!

On the ledge was another of those platform generators leading to another question-mark block, but since the Luma sounded like he was in a hurry, we passed it and went ahead to the ledge to the right. I'm surprised any of us can jump that high.

Past two more platform generators (there was a 1-Up Mushroom hovering above one of them; Enya ate it) was a black flag with a white Bowser face on it. There was a blue aura around it for some reason. I tried to eat it, but touching it made it change to exactly the same shade of yellow as my dress, with the Bowser face changed to a blue M in exactly the same style as the "Moya Brennan" wordmark.

"Alright! We're-a at the checkpoint!" announced Mario.

By the way, Notepad's word wrap put enters after every few words, so I had to manually remove all of them. If you see a line ending in an odd place, that means I missed one, so let me know.

Tags: "moya's space log", 1-up mushrooms, 2010, afterlife, alternate universe, atmospheric pressure, baby names, betrayal, birthday, black holes, bowser, building, cake, center of the universe, checkpoint, chipmunks, coins, comments, concerts, creativity, death, dido, dinosaurs, drawing, enya, flying, foolishness, fruit, gender swapping, goomba, hatred, height, humans, inanimate objects, infinity, lemon, luck, luigi, luma, mario, mind reading, monsters, moria, moya, mushroom kingdom, mushrooms, narcissism, nickelback, nicky ryan, octoomba, oxygen, paranoia, pathvain_aelien, peach, plumbers, porcupines, priorities, prtsc land, reincarnation, roma ryan, safety, sexual innuendo, singers, song lyrics, space, space suits, star bits, star festival, star launch, stars, stealing, suicide, team brennario, to do lists, toad, turtles, tv, vanilla, video games, warp pipes, webcomics, wii remote, word count, wordmarks, writing, yoshi, ñ

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