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Whatever Matt Feels Like Posting

This is where I post my incoherent ramblings. It's where I post the coherent ones, too!


December 23rd, 2011

Writer's Block: Checking it twice @ 11:38 pm

Right now I am annoyingly: restless restless

Are you on Santa’s nice or naughty list?
Naughty, if my stupid comments this year are part of his criteria :(

 
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Comments

 
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From:adawnrae
Date:December 24th, 2011 01:38 am (UTC)
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Naughty people aren't nearly as hard on themselves as you are, so I am guessing nice.
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From:matt1993
Date:December 24th, 2011 03:15 am (UTC)
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Maybe, but you've gotta admit, some of my comments this year were pretty stupid...
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From:adawnrae
Date:December 24th, 2011 03:31 am (UTC)
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Kiddo, measured against the metric of the stupid crap I read on the internet on a daily basis, none of your comments (of the ones I have read, I may have missed some mind-blowers) seem that bad to me.
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From:matt1993
Date:December 24th, 2011 05:39 am (UTC)
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Not even in the Forbidden Comment Threads? (I call it that to avoid the potential of restarting the arguments that happened there)

For that matter, remember how we met?

Edited at 2011-12-24 05:41 am (UTC)
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From:adawnrae
Date:December 24th, 2011 06:08 am (UTC)
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Oy, that mess! Nobody came out of that one unscathed, and none of it did any good for anyone, it just made everybody grumpy and contentious. Well, I did finally put my foot down and give John the boot, I guess that was good... but you know what I mean.

LOL We were just talking past each other in that thread, it happens all the time. If I had thought you were stupid, I would not have taken the time to try to figure out where the disconnect was between us, and just chalked it up to someone being stupid on the internet. I quite enjoyed that exchange, as I recall. But you were being too hard on yourself.

So, nope and nope.
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From:matt1993
Date:December 24th, 2011 07:54 am (UTC)
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I guess so, but I wish regrets like these didn't crush my soul so much that I can barely carry on with my life sometimes.

Sometimes I can get over it for a while, but not long enough. Since the Forbidden Comment Threads, I have yet to stay happy for a full week and it's been rare for me to even be happy for three full days. Plus, when I am depressed, reading webcomics and listening to Enya doesn't help anymore - all I can do is wait for it to go away, which takes four to six hours. I don't think I'm ever going to get better... :'(



(ignore the first, second and fourth panels and the fact that I'm posting a Halloween xkcd in December)

As much as I hate talking about the Forbidden Comment Threads and likely turning this thread into one, I think I'm going to have to to solve my problem. See, I think the biggest part of my depression is the fact that I'm still not quite sure if we're on the same side. For instance, for a while, I had thought you were, as a while back you posted a comment on one of the Forbidden Comment Threads giving shy_james advice and seemingly being supportive, and so I assumed that you and John had made up because it sounded like you had changed your mind since the last time you mentioned arguing with him, but here you mentioned giving John the boot.

It may interest you to know that last month I sent shy_james a happy birthday message and, in his reply, he told me about how he understands why everyone was telling him to have such stringent standards and he explained to me that he only listed such standards because he feels that that would be the only kind of girl that would like him, not because it's the only kind of girl he likes, which is what everyone thought he meant. So I told him, "You never know, you might meet someone who has the same difficulties as you and would thus probably be more understanding of your situation :)"

*hits Post Comment and gets out a telescope to watch for asteroids colliding with Earth...*
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From:adawnrae
Date:December 24th, 2011 09:10 am (UTC)
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Any xkcd is great any time of the year, and I got that the third panel was the point of that one, even before reading the bit below it.

Oh, please don't be depressed about whether we are on the same side of that kerfuffle. If you want to know where I stand, however, I think that James just really needs to stop obsessing about finding a girlfriend and do some "healthy growing up" on his own, and he'll probably be okay. Right now, he's cutting off his nose to spite his face, insisting that he can't grow up without this extremely specific and nearly impossible experience. If he continues down this path, his attitudes are going to become so distasteful that he will never be able to find a healthy relationship, thus dooming himself (in his own mind) to being stunted forever.

The split with John had nothing to do with any conflict over that, however, but over his appalling treatment of me on my own journal as well as in real life, and the fact that whatever his problem was with me was spilling over into the asperger community. If you wish, you can read my post about it. There will be no making up, his behavior was totally unacceptable and I will never acknowledge his existence again.

I hope that doesn't make you uncomfortable or upset, because whether we agree on these matters or not, it doesn't impact how I perceive you. Our interactions have ever been pleasant and thoughtful... though I still think you are way too hard on yourself. :P
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From:matt1993
Date:December 24th, 2011 08:35 pm (UTC)
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If you want to know where I stand, however, I think that James just really needs to stop obsessing about finding a girlfriend and do some "healthy growing up" on his own, and he'll probably be okay. Right now, he's cutting off his nose to spite his face, insisting that he can't grow up without this extremely specific and nearly impossible experience. If he continues down this path, his attitudes are going to become so distasteful that he will never be able to find a healthy relationship, thus dooming himself (in his own mind) to being stunted forever.

Ohhh! In that case, we are pretty much on the same side. As I said, I did hear from James that he is actually more open-minded than people thought and he only posted a narrow set of standards because he thought that'd be the only kind of girl who could like him, but my opinion before that was pretty much the same as yours. (And, for the record, I have told him that he shouldn't worry about still being single since he's only 20. I haven't heard back from him yet, but then again, it was a while before he replied to my first message.)

The split with John had nothing to do with any conflict over that, however, but over his appalling treatment of me on my own journal as well as in real life, and the fact that whatever his problem was with me was spilling over into the asperger community. If you wish, you can read my post about it. There will be no making up, his behavior was totally unacceptable and I will never acknowledge his existence again.

Ohhh, I see. I didn't know this split had happened before the Forbidden Comment Threads.

I hope that doesn't make you uncomfortable or upset, because whether we agree on these matters or not, it doesn't impact how I perceive you. Our interactions have ever been pleasant and thoughtful... though I still think you are way too hard on yourself. :P

Thanks so much! I think a big part of it was the fact that sometimes it didn't feel like we were getting along well, so now that I know we are, I think it's safe to assume my depression just might finally be over!*

And just in time for Christmas, too... it's a Christmas miracle! :D

*Unless I read some comments in lj_support or news today :P

Edited at 2011-12-24 08:37 pm (UTC)
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From:legendary_zelda
Date:December 24th, 2011 02:41 am (UTC)
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I like to think Santa's above the pettiness of internet drama. ;)
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From:matt1993
Date:December 24th, 2011 03:15 am (UTC)
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I hope so... because then at least someone is ;)
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From:pathvain_aelien
Date:December 24th, 2011 04:14 pm (UTC)
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Blargle. You'd be first on the 'nice' list.
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From:matt1993
Date:December 24th, 2011 08:36 pm (UTC)
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Maybe.
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From:rovanda
Date:December 24th, 2011 09:37 pm (UTC)
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I think intent has to count for something. I'd vote nice. :)
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From:matt1993
Date:December 24th, 2011 09:46 pm (UTC)
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:)

Whatever Matt Feels Like Posting

This is where I post my incoherent ramblings. It's where I post the coherent ones, too!